My blog

Whether you’re a woman or a man, she is there - the feminine heart that seeks to meet you in stillness, inviting you to slow down and be still with her.

Whenever I listen to this track (best click on image above to avoid the ads), I feel it in my soul, hearing the call to join my essence.

The beats are those of uplifting trance, yet it offers a deep emotional meditation that takes you into another world. It feels like the right mix to align with the truth of the funky, passionate and peaceful feminine spirit.

As with most of the music that stirs my soul, this track was introduced to me by my uber Piscean husband Wayne, with his love for Chicane, elevating, melodic trance and Bo Bruce’s truly epic vocals.

Still With You never fails to rouse a gathering - and we play it every time - with its deep pulse and feels, and lyrics so simple they enter your core.

Let it electronica your world.

Slow down

Let me be still with you

Still with me

Slow down

Chicane feat. Bo Bruce - Still With Me (Disco Citizens Remix)

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The event described below is unimpressive at a surface level but it was a line in the sand on my journey of finding myself. 

Soon after the Mahat Meditation retreat in March 2017, I was in a waiting room alone before an appointment, and closed my eyes to chill out and check in with myself. I went quickly into a meditative state without trying, and the energy felt so strong, so good, so deep.

I easily sunk into the all embracing arms of eternal goodness, and even as my mind started questioning it – what’s this? why’s this happening? how long will it last? - my true essence was unbothered, this time.

This is merging with my Soul, I realised. I’d come within range of my own greatness and its magnetising light, and was drawn in with gentle suction. 

Then out of the corner of my ear I noticed Radiohead’s 'Karma Police' come on the radio. (click on pic to hear)

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a fear – black, heavy, dense, buzzing, a horrid furry anchor, pulled me and consumed me in dread.

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If your life were a movie, edited back to the gist, it'd be a fascinating, magnificent and inspiring adventure of how you unfurled to be more of your true self.

We each have a theme for our adventure, but it’s not a detailed prescription. Each lifetime we've chosen a personality, some gifts, coupla challenges, some key players, and it's all set up so we can balance and awaken some soulfully chosen things on our journey back to our true selves.

It's not set up to torment or bore us to death - it's there to get us realising more of our real deal. Sometimes we'll get the rug pulled out from under us...

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‘That’s how it is for me’
 
It is a cavernous divide, the distance between the disempowered, hopeless, bamboozled feeling of not being able to express myself in an unwaverable way, and the powerfully honest place where all I need to say is ‘That’s how it is for me’.
 
There came a time in my life, just a few years ago, where I learnt to just honestly say what I feel without needing to explain or defend it. I took back my power.
 
In my private life, my rebellious side always ran freely. It was my idea to have homebirths and not immunise our boys, and Wayne embraced and shared my research findings and feelings.

I also refuse fluoridated water, pap smears, breast scans and any procedure or medication I believe unnecessary at best and...

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Before I wrote Dirty Dress, I dreamed I had a baby girl. The feeling was of profound Love as I beheld her beauty and nurtured her warmly. 

She played happily in some dirt, free and guileless, but then a dark infection entered the dream and she looked scared and whispered –

“Daddy will be angry I dirtied my pretty pink dress.”

Ach, it broke my heart. She was starting to believe those lies about being not good, not worthy.

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In 2012 I found a book I'd never seen before while rifling through a box at home - it holds a certain magic and continues to impact my life.

It's about a quirky master of reality called Don Shimoda who thinks he should teach others what he knows.

As part of trying to show people that they choose their realities, Don always supports them in whatever they do or believe, no matter how ridiculous.

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My definition of Bad Ass - someone who takes a metaphoric machete to the chains that suppress the true self, whether with a personal style that is meditative and mellow or feisty as fuck. 

I used to consider myself a bit of a bitch.

A physical fighter at school, convicted shoplifter/underage drinker/hinderer of the police, school wagger, promiscuous cheater, kicked out of home by fed up parents (just for 3.5 weeks) and ex-communicated by several friends' parents. All before the age of 18. 

It was confusing - was I a bad person?

I was often in trouble but also desperately wanted to be good, normal, nice. At 13 I made an impassioned vow to myself that I'd start a new leaf as a normal girl that boys and girls and teachers alike would favour. Didn't stick. 

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Astrology is believed to have developed thousands of years ago in ancient Egypt and spread all over the world. No king or queen or wealthy household was without their own astrologer.

Some believe astrology stems from longer back, into very ancient and advanced civilisations that may be called mythical, like Atlantis and Lemuria. I do.
 

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You know how there are some places in the world you feel a strong resonance with? Cape Town is one of mine - things just feel right there. 

When I got home, a wise friend suggested I see if astrology can find special spots for each of us. Sure nuff, there is a technique called astromapping which transfers key  points of your birth chart onto the globe, showing beneficial and challenging lines to take advantage of or avoid.

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As a reformed arachnophobe, I speak to other phobics of any kind out there - these fears hold gifts and no matter how sure you are that you'll never heal yours, you can.

I was way too scared to consider hypnotherapy or desensitisation therapy and yet the fear really affected my daily life and I wanted freedom from it.

When I was about 35 I was doing a lot of pranic healing, and used a technique that dissolves phobic thought-forms that are generally held in the solar plexus chakra. There's no need to think about the fear, mercifully. It took an edge off so I could manage a past life session which helped too, though it wasn’t fun.

I started to improve a bit more, and when I was 40 I got a gift from my fear.

Wayne and I were in the Philippines at magical Mt Banahaw, a volcanic mountain with healing springs flowing from it. Wayne is the architect for a very cool temple there and we were on a reccy with the clients.

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