The war within starts to wane

I cracked open a hefty realisation this month - surely many lifetimes coming! - about the nature of feminine and masculine unity that may sound obvious to you perhaps, but surely wasn't to me.

But that's how big realisations usually are - simple once you've had 'em.

I've pondered deeply the nature of the masculine dominated patriarchal era we've lived in for the last 6,000 years. And I subscribed to the understanding that the feminine ran the show for 6,000 years prior as part of a big evolutionary cycle, but there's very little history on what it was like - my research shows it's generally depicted as all peaceful, nature loving, sensual and fertile, non violent, with a focus on shared resources...a generally utopian set up. And I liked the sound of that.

I felt pretty satisfied with these understandings that explain how evolution has us swinging from feminine to masculine dominating eras, before the two gather up all they've learned and come together at a new level of unity as a harmonised pair (note that the time has now begun for that part of the macro cycle, for those souls ready and willing to be part of that). 

But as I was writing about my relationship history as part of a big writing project I'm working on, I realised that until last week (!) I was living from the foundational romantic understanding that the feminine was perfect and was victimised by the patriarchy. I didn't see each as equal to the other.

I was kidding myself that I was at peace with the whole shebang coz the truth was, I was still furious about what had happened to the 'perfect' feminine. You just have to read my stories on how I've behaved in relationships to see that!

So here's my realisation - that for things to have swung so 'bad' to the masculine domination and how shadowy that's been, then it must...

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Our shadow is full of big ass BLUFF

Shadow, you said I was lost forever but you lied

The event described below happened a few months ago, and is unimpressive at a surface level but it was a line in the sand on my journey of finding myself. 

Soon after the Mahat Meditation retreat in March this year, I was in a waiting room alone before an appointment, and closed my eyes to chill out and check in with myself. I went quickly into a meditative state without trying, and the energy felt so strong, so good, so deep.

I easily sunk into the all embracing arms of eternal goodness, and even as my mind started questioning it – what’s this? why’s this happening? how long will it last? - my true essence was unbothered, this time.

This is merging with my Soul, I realised. I’d come within range of my own greatness and its magnetising light, and was drawn in with gentle suction. 

Then out of the corner of my ear I noticed Radiohead’s 'Karma Police' come on the radio.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a fear – black, heavy, dense, buzzing, a horrid furry anchor, pulled me and consumed me in dread.

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What's your flav?

If your life were a movie, edited back to the gist, it'd be a fascinating, magnificent and inspiring adventure of how you unfurled to be more of your true self.

We each have a theme for our adventure, but it’s not a detailed prescription. Each lifetime we've chosen a personality, some gifts, coupla challenges, some key players, and it's all set up so we can balance and awaken some soulfully chosen things on our journey back to our true selves.

It's not set up to torment or bore us to death - it's there to get us realising more of our real deal. Sometimes we'll get the rug pulled out from under us...

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No-one can argue with this: my power statement

No-one can argue with this: my power statement

‘That’s how it is for me’
 
It is a cavernous divide, the distance between the disempowered, hopeless, bamboozled feeling of not being able to express myself in an unwaverable way, and the powerfully honest place where all I need to say is ‘That’s how it is for me’.
 
There came a time in my life, just a few years ago, where I learnt to just honestly say what I feel without needing to explain or defend it. I took back my power.
 
In my private life, my rebellious side always ran freely. It was my idea to have homebirths and not immunise our boys, and Wayne embraced and shared my research findings and feelings.

I also refuse fluoridated water, pap smears, breast scans and any procedure or medication I believe unnecessary at best and...

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My dirty pink dress

About six months ago I dreamed I had a baby girl. The feeling was of profound Love as I beheld her beauty and nurtured her warmly. 

She played happily in some dirt, free and guileless, but then a dark infection entered the dream and she looked scared and whispered –

“Daddy will be angry I dirtied my pretty pink dress.”

Ach, it broke my heart. She was starting to believe those lies about being not good, not worthy.

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We all do what we want

In 2012 I found a book I'd never seen before while rifling through a box at home - it holds a certain magic and continues to impact my life.

It's about a quirky master of reality called Don who thinks he should teach others what he knows.

As part of trying to show people that they choose their realities, Don always supports them in whatever they do or believe, no matter how ridiculous.

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Where in the world calls to you?

You know how there are some places in the world you feel a strong resonance with? Cape Town is one of mine - things just feel right there. 

When I got home, a wise friend suggested I see if astrology can find special spots for each of us. Sure nuff, there is a technique called astromapping which transfers key  points of your birth chart onto the globe, showing beneficial and challenging lines to take advantage of or avoid.

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