The war within starts to wane



I cracked open a hefty realisation this month - surely many lifetimes coming! - about the nature of feminine and masculine unity that may sound obvious to you perhaps, but surely wasn't to me.

But that's how big realisations usually are - simple once you've had 'em.

I've pondered deeply the nature of the masculine dominated patriarchal era we've lived in for the last 6,000 years. And I subscribed to the understanding that the feminine ran the show for 6,000 years prior as part of a big evolutionary cycle, but there's very little history on what it was like - my research shows it's generally depicted as all peaceful, nature loving, sensual and fertile, non violent, with a focus on shared resources...a generally utopian set up. And I liked the sound of that.

I felt pretty satisfied with these understandings that explain how evolution has us swinging from feminine to masculine dominating eras, before the two gather up all they've learned and come together at a new level of unity as a harmonised pair (note that the time has now begun for that part of the macro cycle, for those souls ready and willing to be part of that). 

But as I was writing about my relationship history as part of a big writing project I'm working on, I realised that until last week (!) I was living from the foundational romantic understanding that the feminine was perfect and was victimised by the patriarchy. I didn't see each as equal to the other.

I was kidding myself that I was at peace with the whole shebang coz the truth was, I was still furious about what had happened to the 'perfect' feminine. You just have to read my stories on how I've behaved in relationships to see that!

So here's my realisation - that for things to have swung so 'bad' to the masculine domination and how shadowy that's been, then it must have swung just as far during the feminine domination era.

It looks different when the feminine is in deep shadow compared to the masculine. She ignored his worth, his creative ability (women were believed to become pregnant and create new life like a fruit tree, and the male's role in procreation was not known) and his potency. It was all about cycles, fertility, women's sexuality, and men were in service to that and considered to have little to no contribution to the meaning or sustenance of life. Now if you know men, you know that's gotta hurt.

And we all know what happened to the feminine when the masculine era took over the reigns, and that is the memory freshest in our minds (and cellular memory). Along with the good aspects the masculine brings, we've seen plenty of its shadow - violence, war, subordination of the feminine including fear and hatred of the cycles of life and nature, control and domination of cycles and nature, borders between people, ownership of resources including the Earth and her contents etc etc. 

I'm realising that for me to come back to unity with the feminine and masculine, most importantly within myself in order to become enlightened, and also including how that is represented in my marriage with Wayne, I first had to rage and rant for, um, many lifetimes.

I carry a strong 'Lilith' thread - she is a very strong feminine energy and was the woman that came before Eve. She refused to lie beneath Adam in sex and be less than him as he insisted she was, so she left him and copped a lot of demonisation. Her story is in the bible and many historical materials, for what it's worth.

She lost her mind and became the dark feminine with a lot of rage and grief. Her journey as an archetype within all of us takes us gradually back to true equality between the masculine and feminine, but first much forgiveness is needed. We all carry her energy, I believe, and when she's playing up in shadow or misunderstood she's associated with words like crazy bitch, whore, evil seductress, and with fertility issues, problems in pregnancy and birth, the death of babies and mothering issues. She's in women and men. In her evolved self she is, of course, magnificent - powerful, loving, sexual, creative, nurturing, wise and in harmony and of course equality with the masculine.

My rage has served me many times and ensured I never took shit from men, not for long anyway. That rage has also blocked me from truly opening my heart to a worthy man such as my husband Wayne. The rage no longer serves me. It has served its purpose. All I've ever wanted is to be equal with a man who is strong enough to penetrate my heart and meet me eye to eye. 

But that could not happen until I forgive the masculine and own my part in the travesty of male-female relationships.

In starting to accept the feminine is equal with the masculine in every way, including the shadow, I am getting some rubber on the road towards real unity and peace. I'm working on it.