My power statement: ‘That’s how it is for me’
It is a cavernous divide, the distance between the disempowered, hopeless, bamboozled feeling of not being able to express myself in an unwaverable way, and the powerfully honest place where all I need to say is ‘That’s how it is for me’.
There came a time in my life, just a few years ago, where I learnt to say what I feel without needing to explain or defend it. I took back my power.
In my private life, my rebellious side always ran freely. It was my idea to have homebirths and not immunise our boys, and Wayne embraced and shared my research findings and feelings.
I also refuse fluoridated water, pap smears, breast scans and any procedure or medication I believe unnecessary at best and possibly harmful. I hugely appreciate modern medicine when needed but generally I keep well through holistic health approaches including having aligned energy systems, from which everything physical starts.
My preference for holistic health where appropriate is beside the point here though; it's just a topic on which I feel very clear in standing for myself and if need be I'll happily say 'All the research is debatable but what I can't be debated on is my intuitive knowing.'
In other realms of life I haven't found standing in my truth so easy.
In mainstream professional work, it's been way hard, in good part because it has not been acceptable to claim one's intuitive knowings as the final word in patriarchal work places.
Patriarchy doesn't mean sexist men...it is a societal system that ostensibly favours males, although it is also very hurtful to them by diminishing their feeling and intuitive sides.
Many women are also participants in holding up patriarchal systems, probably subconsciously and often to stay safe and avoid the punishment that generally occurs to non-compliant women.
Those of us now awakening must come to peace with patriarchy at some stage as a major part of how humanity has functioned for the last 6,000 odd years.
It's a long story, but I summarise by saying that around 2012-2020 we are entering a new 6,000 odd year astrological cycle where masculine and feminine energies have the greatest opportunity we've had for a longgggg time to return to unity. That means we as individual souls have the greatest opportunity to return to our true unified selves: being One with our higher soul and living the peace on Earth experience we've yearned for. Mahat Meditation is the path Wayne and I use towards this.
This new era is part of a 26,000 odd year cycle of evolution called one 'galactic day'. This cycle sees us explore feminine and then masculine separations (about 6000 years each), before we have an opportunity take all we've learnt and enter a new era of unity (from now for the next 6000 years). The cycle is marked by the Earth's axis circling away from (separation era) and then moving back towards (unification era) the Galactic Heart - also known as the black hole - at our galaxy's centre. The galactic wind is now at our back to wake up to the truth of the wholeness we are. My talk on 11 June covers this.
Putting it into practice: a real life rumble
One of my greatest un-official teachers in this lifetime was a manager at a job I used to have, let’s call him Roger.
This guy epitomised the insidious patriarchy – he knew how to talk the talk, undermine and subtly bully. Any time I shone, he would strike. He wanted me to be defeated and small.
He could be considered the externalisation of my fears of being able to hold onto myself, of how safe it is to shine, and of the patriarchy. That analysis didn't change how terrifying and awful it was!
For a good 2.5 years I let him bully me to some level. I've never been a wimp...all this was very subtle. I even kidded myself about the situation and spiritually whitewashed it (as I was a spiritual person then I should be all 'love and light' about it and any bad feelings I felt were wrong), giving myself away time and time again. I felt powerlessness; I seemed to freeze if I needed to hold a position or reply to a subtle put down. I was unable to solidly hold my ground in the face of the clever words and seemingly rational underminings.
One day the shit hit the fan - Roger went too far when he had a go at a friend. I gathered up my hefty energy and made it even bigger, I let my eyes and power rip at him and told him in very strong tones that he was way out of line, that I had several complaints about his behaviour and would be speaking to him about them formally on Monday.
It was a long weekend, thankfully, so I had three days to prepare. I was terrified and outraged.
Luckily I had an appointment with my kinesiologist Kirsten Hocking the next day and we did an intense session on facing my fear of speaking up to the patriarchy and undoing the pattern I’d been living for god knows how many lifetimes where I unravelled before their inquisitions.
I even took a valium on one day, such was the level of my fear and panic about what I had to do and what would happen if I didn't take hold of this situation, which in my fear seemed almost impossible.
My cellular memories cowered at what it would mean to stand my ground. This was tapping on some deep shit…feelings of being before an inquisition or a similar essence where I knew I stood no chance, my fear would muddle my thoughts and their questions and logic were designed to sound reasonable but were not – they were designed to take me down.
A calm came over me on the night before work. Monday morning I calmly told him the truth - that something had broken inside me and that I was no longer willing to work for him. He tried to mentally, emotionally and energetically wrangle and discredit me as I knew he would, and why not, it'd always worked before!
But I was rock solid. He no longer had any power over me, and he knew it. I could not be rocked because I was speaking the simple truth. I had no interest in proving myself right. I simply stated what I felt and that I needed to be moved to another team within the next couple of weeks.
Suddenly he became sycophantic, and started spinning the situation to make it about how he would speak to other managers to get me moved to another team where my role would better serve the good of the organisation. He was pitching it as him altruistically helping the higher good. I didn't care and was indeed moved a couple of weeks later to a better team.
In that experience, I let go of a chunk of the patriarchy’s power over me. I no longer allow them to intimidate and subjugate me, but I still have to keep an eye on things and watch out for my own willingness to give myself away and betray myself. If I slip up and in the moment give myself away in some setting, I feel absolutely terrible. It's happening less and less.
Here I herald the worlds of the all-American Dr John Demartini who loves to passionately say with a tear in his eye -
"There is no such thing as forgiving. There is only 'thank you for-giving me this experience.' "
So that's what I say to Rog.