Phobics, take heart

As an arachnophobe since I can remember, I speak to other phobics of any kind out there. I don't mean I was scared of spiders, I mean I was fully phobic about them and couldn't say the word let alone consider dealing with it.

But I'll tell ya, if you suffer from a phobia, even if you think that you'll never heal, you you can.

I was way too scared to consider hypnotherapy or desensitization therapy and yet the fear really affected my daily life and I wanted freedom from it.

When I was about 35 (I’m now 45) I was doing a lot of pranic healing, and used a technique that dissolves phobic thought-forms that are generally held in the solar plexus chakra. There's no need to think about the fear, mercifully. It took an edge off so I could manage a past life session which helped too, though it wasn’t fun.

I started to improve a bit more, and when I was 40 I got a gift from my fear.

Wayne and I were in the Philippines at magical Mt Banahaw, a volcanic mountain with healing springs flowing from it. Wayne is the architect for a very cool temple that will be built there soon and we were on a reccy with the clients.

We were all having a lovely picnic doing chanting under the springs and having a delicious barbecued Portuguese chicken lunch. When someone lit a fire to grill our chicken, it smoked out a big tarantula from a rocky natural wall.

I was sitting on top of a huge rock thankfully. I went into a heightened state of ‘now’ and realised I was not having a panic attack...I knew immediately it was a blessing of some kind.

Just then a massive wasp swooped down and started attacking the spider...the two clients rushed to help it and it managed to get back to its hidey hole after repeated attacks from the wasp.

I don't know exactly what the relevance of that part of the story is, but I did realise that they were instinctively protecting the spider. This seemed a promising message.

I was amazed, as was Wayne, by how well I’d handled the whole event.

Cut forward 2.5 and spiders have been quite a lot better ever since but still, I'm not keen on close encounters. Certainly I have good will towards spiders and want them to be free to be who they are.

In the liquid crystal healing modality, you connect with the crystal’s deva (the light being) and its symbol and associated essential oil and totem animal, and the healing effects are profound.

Spiders are the totem animal of Zircon, and the key words are 'life change'. Big life change can be terrifying and I think this is why people are often phobic about spiders. Snakes have their own story (lapis lazuli) - self realisation, which can also be rather scary since we're so afraid of our greatness.

I've been taking other crystals to help me move forward like Chrysoprase which is 'fearless movement' and known as the James Bond crystal...when does 007 ever pause in fear?

I never knew I was so scared of really changing my life at a deep level. Real change means facing and releasing the paralyzing fears from god knows how far back, and accepting our power and glory - and my subconscious finds that very scary.

After taking a Zircon course recently, I was a few days into the integration week and at my parents’ house in the hills where there is a heavenly garden.

As I looked into a white rose and prayed to be purified of all that prevents me from rediscovering my true essence, a tiny adorable spider emerged from the petals and looked right at me. Love filled me and I thanked the lovely little arachnid and Zircon.

I felt really happy and blessed, and wandered back to the house when my eyes drew to the verandah ceiling and beheld a big wolf spider. These are also known as huntsmen…but I like 'wolf' as that is the totem animal of silver, representing the lunar pathway of the feminine.

I think that's one of the major fears many of us have...rediscovering our feminine energy. The track record hasn’t been good the last few thousand years for the feminine energy and our bodies and souls remember what happened in the past – regardless of gender in this lifetime.

I backed away, but knew I needed to walk under the spider as my next (and let's hope final) initiation into freedom from fear of the 'wolf' spider and the life changes it represents.

So I did the affirmation given to me by Melaney Ryan, the founder of Stillpoint Institute ( , and this works an absolute treat. I said to the fear 'You no longer have any power over me. You will do as is stated. I now consciously choose to release all the ties that prevent me from rediscovering my greatness. I now move forward in my true essence.'

Then I took a big breath and walked under the spider. Huge rushes of goosebumping light swept through me. I kept walking and affirmed my embrace of life change.

Thank you Spider. You were my worst fear but now I know you are a great gift…it was a long time coming and took a lot of work, but we’re getting somewhere now.

Spider friends, may your gifts be received by those who need and want them – and there are many of us out there - with grace and compassion.